Friday, November 5, 2010

Out of Body Experiences....

We have all heard about it, or possibly experienced it, an 'Out of Body Experience'. The more I think about this statement, the more I feel as though it is completely backwards. As far as I am concerned, this situation occurs with the outside influence of a natural, or unnatural substance, ingested into the body, and therefore causes one to feel 'disconnected' with oneself.

I sit here and reflect upon any time I, personally, have felt such a feeling, and I have stumbled upon a different realization. Instead of it feeling as though I am leaving my body, sometimes I feel as though I am sinking so far *into* myself, towards the darkest demons that linger in my subconscious, dictating my thoughts and emotions, steering me towards self-destruction. Toying with the parts of my brain that control rationalization, reality from fantasy, fact from fiction, love from lust. Spinning me wildly out of control until it wears off and I am left with the reminisce of the moments before mixed with what remains my day to day?

Do we choose to consider this 'out of body' because the force of being pulled inside yourself causes you to run away and feel like you are looking upon your reflection from another's shoes? Are we so afraid to face what we truly fear that we mask the pain and find a way to go completely numb? Is it better to feel pain or love, than nothing at all, or vice versa? Does numbness substitute reality so we can get through each day; is it better to exist than live? Or is this just a temporary state of mind that we embrace to feel as though we no longer, for that moment, have to accept our lives as our own?

Just a little twist on a common phrase we have all heard...what are your thoughts?

Monday, July 5, 2010

Top/Bottom/Switch- **Sensitive Content**

*****Contains material that may not be suited for all readers*****
I have noticed this topic coming up more frequently lately amongst some of my friends. Specifically, I have been asked where I stand on this topic...I mean, I guess I get why people make the general assumption that I am a top with no degree of deviating. I have absolutely no problem switching things up and 'letting my guard down', honestly, I think that keeps things interesting. I know my body, I know what it likes and how it operates, and just because I am more 'butch' doesn't mean that my anatomy is different than that of my more 'feminine' counterparts. Granted, there are certain 'activities', shall we say, that I don't want to be on the receiving end of, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the feel of someone's touch.
So, what is it that creates this dynamic and perception? Let's put it this way...a guy getting head from someone, how is this different than someone such as myself to enjoy the same? Ok, sure, I can strap up and do the same, but Hello...SO not the same.
Again, this is just my personal opinion, but what causes people to create this assumption when they look at someone? Or, better yet, know someone for years and still have this skewed perception? I have to admit, I do find some humor in it to see/hear/become aware of someone's reaction, when apparently I had them fooled and never even tried lol.
So, here is my next question...Who still thinks I'm straight???

Friday, April 9, 2010

Hilariously Disgusting LOL

I just came across this video, I ended up laughing and wanting to lose my breakfast all at the same time. You should check it out LOL

just click the link below:
Hilariously Disgusting Fight Scene

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Colbert's Bait and Snitch- DADT Policy


Check out the link above to see this clip of Stephen Colbert on the Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy...

Personality Test

My uncle sent me a link to this site out of curiosity as to what my results would be. I'm so not surprised by the results that I was presented with. I have decided to post mine here if you are interested. I've also included a link if your curiosity gets the better of you; hey, I love finding out more about myself, maybe you do, too. :)

click on the link below:
9types Enneagram Personality Test

(my results)

The Peacemaker (the Nine)

Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.

How to Get Along with Me

  • If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.
  • I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advatage of this.
  • Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
  • Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
  • Ask me questions to help me get clear.
  • Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.
  • Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
  • I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
  • Let me know you like what I've done or said.
  • Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

What I Like About Being a Nine

  • being nonjudgmental and accepting
  • caring for and being concerned about others
  • being able to relax and have a good time
  • knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
  • my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
  • my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
  • being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What's Hard About Being a Nine

  • being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
  • being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
  • being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
  • being confused about what I really want
  • caring too much about what others will think of me
  • not being listened to or taken seriously

Nines as Children Often

  • feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
  • tune out a lot, especially when others argue
  • are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

Nines as Parents

  • are supportive, kind, and warm
  • are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
My breakdown:
Type 1 Type 2 Type 3 Type 4 Type 5 Type 6 Type 7 Type 8 Type 9
1 2 6 5 6 5 3 1 7

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Thrill Seekers....

Alright, so I have this addiction to adrenaline rushes. I love thrill rides and will go on just about anything....check out a few of my favorites :)

The following link will connect you to a video that I found of X-Scream, a ride at the top of the Stratosphere in Las Vegas. This is a great angle of the about INTENSE!!

Some ride facts :
  • Height: 866 feet (from the ground); the ride height of the track above the tower base is a maximum of 45 feet.
  • Drop: The ride travels about 29 feet over the edge of the tower.
  • Max Speed: 30 mph
  • Capacity: 8 passengers

  • (pay attention to where the woman is sitting, that's the EXACT seat I was in)


    Also, check out the Big Shot, also on top of the Stratosphere in Las Vegas. This thing shoots you straight up the needle...HOLD ON!!!

    Some ride facts:
    • Max Height: 1,087 feet (including the height of the tower)
    • Biggest Drop: 160 feet
    • Max Speed: 45 mph
    • Ride Duration: About 1 minute
    • Capacity: 16 riders per launch
    • Designer: S&S Original Amusements, Logan, Utah
    • Special Features: Traveling 160 feet up the top Stratosphere Tower mast in 2 seconds is a unique experience. Riders experience 4 Gs of force from the thrust.
    Check out the video below:

    Big Shot

    What is your favorite thrill ride? Or, are you too scared to try? ;)

    Oh, and did I mention that I am deathly afraid of heights??? LOL

    Digging the butthole....

    What is your preferred method for comfort at the beach? Do you bring a chair to sit on, a blanket/sheet/towel flat on the sand? Have you ever considered digging a hole or a groove for your butt to rest in? Hence, the butthole....

    If you do indeed dig a butthole, do you lie down on your blanket and wiggle your butt to make the indent? Do you dig first and then place your blanket down over the hole? Do you require two separate lying areas for stomach and back? Or do you just flip upside down on the blanket and use the original hole?

    As for your head, do you bring an extra towel to serve as a pillow? Maybe use your t-shirt, ball it up and place it under your head? Do you bring a backpack of sorts and lean up against that?

    I am interested in knowing if and how you dig your butthole :)

    Thursday, April 1, 2010


    I was watching this movie last night, Stop-Loss, and it got me thinking about my own personal experiences in the military. The movie is about a group of soldiers doing a tour in Iraq, the loss that they experience and their adjustment to civilian life once the tour is completed. The movie focuses on the military's controversial stop-loss program, which basically states that, 'since you are a trained and top-notch soldier, we are not going to let you get out of the service, we are sending you back.' Understandably, this causes a lot of soldiers to say 'f off' and they go AWOL (absent with out leave). Obviously, this doesn't solve anything but in turn creates more problems. In the end, the main character ends up going back for another tour in Iraq.

    So, what made him make the decision to re-up and go back to the desert to serve an organization that is screwing with his life? Is it because that's all he knows? Is it due to his honor, courage and commitment to this great nation?

    Obviously, there is a point to all of this. Back in 2005, I was discharged from the US Navy due to 'homosexual admissions'. Now, with Obama in office and his plan to revoke the 'don't ask don't tell' policy that has been put in place for so many years, it makes me stop and think about what my next move will be if it really does happen. When I stop and think back, the only part of being in the military was having to hide who I really was. Take the year I was overseas...I was basically living 4 lives. I had my life at work, in uniform, straight as an arrow, thousand yard stare. I had my life on base outside of work, still straight, however, my close friends were aware of the truth. My life going out off base, this was when I still had to be careful, but, hey when alcohol is involved you can get away with a lot more, right? lol. And then of course, my life back home where everyone knew how gay I really am. It's really hard to split yourself into so many different realms of acceptance. I had it figured out but it got extremely exhausting.

    So, back to the point of the possibility of allowing gays into the military has my mind going a thousand miles a minute. I loved my life in the Navy, seeing the world, the camaraderie amongst my peers. Some of my best friends are from the days when I felt like I had no one, and there they were. I thrived on the discipline, knowing exactly what was expected of me, everyone held accountable for their actions. Granted, yeah, there are always the quirky things that will get under any one's skin, but overall, it played a huge role into molding me into who I am today.

    Has anyone else experienced the same thing, or know anyone who has? Do you have an opinion on the matter, one way or the other? If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

    Wednesday, March 31, 2010

    Latest Episode of Lost

    Any other Lost fans out there? Just wanting to know how you are feeling about how this season is unraveling, and if you honestly think all of our questions are going to be answered when all is said and done. The conflict of good and evil, the island being compared to purgatory and the names on the wheel of 'candidates'. I'm curious to see how others are feeling towards this rapid descent to the final episode. Let me know :)

    Heavy Creaming

    How do you take your coffee? Are you a heavy creamer, do you go 'au natural'? Do you use just enough cream to 'scare the black out of it', a dash of sugar, or maybe a combination of the two?

    Leave it to my mother, the one and only, to tell the waitress at breakfast one morning that our table consisted of a bunch of heavy creamers. To make matters worse, the waitress decided to inform us that she, also was a 'heavy creamer'. Lovely breakfast conversation if I have ever witnessed one lol.

    Tuesday, March 30, 2010

    Jalapenos n' Cheddah

    *tick tock* *tick tock*

    Welcome to my blog, my first blog, and my blind sided approach at sharing my ideas and opinions with the world. You don't have to read it, you don't have to like it, but you're here so you might as well pull up a chair and let me amuse you for a moment.

    Some of the content may cause you to cringe, retreat or even regurgitate last night's dinner. This is a doorway into the inner workings of my mind which are known to be at times distasteful, politically incorrect and sometimes just all around inappropriate.

    This message will self-destruct in 5..4..3..2..