Opinionated? Sure, but who isn’t?

My strongest opinion is clearly directed towards same-sex marriage. I came out at fifteen, it was the late nineties and gay marriage wasn’t even on the radar. Growing up in Lewiston, Maine, a very French-Canadian town with a low tolerance for those who are ‘different’ from the norm, my teen years weren’t easy.

I always knew that I was different and I was proud of myself for who I was becoming. I never based my opinions on what others thought of me, never tried to hide who I was, until I joined the military.

Military life, prior to the repeal of DADT, was not the easiest nor the most appealing thing I have ever experienced. I was constantly being silenced because of a piece of paper that I signed stating that I am not gay.  I remember this piece of paper, 11x17 size 10pt font, seems like there were 100 different places I had to initial. Each time my pen met the paper, I could feel the knot in my gut tightening. Part of me questioned what the hell I was doing, while the other part of me knew this is where I needed to go. I needed to throw myself into an uncomfortable position to challenge myself. Maybe, in the back of my mind, I was really wanting to also challenge others.

Inevitably, I couldn’t hide who I was. I ended up receiving a general discharge under honorable conditions, my dd-214 stating, “Separation due to homosexual admissions”. To be completely honest, it doesn’t bother me to have this documented, however depending on what I want to do with my future, this could cost me a career. A second career to be more specific.

Now, I’m not trying to say that I’ve been through hell and back, but it was a hell that I had to live through. It was an experience that helped make me stronger, more opinionated and more ready to fight.

What makes me any less of a person than the straight woman sitting beside me? Why should she be allowed to have her husband visit her in the hospital if a tragedy occurs, yet I am forced to face it alone? Why should she be able to stand up in front of her family and friends and form a legal bond with the one she loves? Why am I the one left sitting in the audience watching others share their happiness, wondering when the world will wake up and allow equal rights for us all? Why is some arrogant prick in the back woods of the bible belt holding up the rest of the country from moving forward?

Luckily, same sex marriages have been left up to the state level, but there is still such a long way to go. I can get married in my home state of Maine, but if I wanted to go live near my mother in Arizona, I can kiss my LGBTQ rights goodbye.

We live in a free country, yet when I cross state lines my legal rights change significantly. The worst part, all I’ve done to be an outcast is show that I am capable of loving another human being. 

Parking Lot Etiquette

Recent events have provoked these thoughts and I would like to take a poll as to how right, or how wrong, I am in my opinion.

My girl and I went to the mall a few days ago, and I decided to drive towards the building and seek out the best parking space. I located one and a huge grin spread across my face. I looked over and said, 'if anyone asks, you're pregnant,' and then proceeded to park in the 'Expecting Mother's' space in front of Old Navy. She was on the phone with her mother when I said this, and they both started giving me grief about how 'not right' this was.

MY justification was, quite simply, to the point. 

What is the number one reason women go to the mall while pregnant? (specifically when they would need a front row parking spot) To walk themselves into labor, correct? So, in my utilizing this primo parking space, I am actually doing a civil service on multiple levels:

• If you are going to the mall to go for a walk, it's much healthier to be walking outdoors-fresh air
• If you are going to the mall to induce labor, wouldn't everyone rather have your water break outside where it won't be contaminating publicly crowded areas..?
• Nasty water breakage outside, easy cleanup, just hose it down or let it dry in the sun

Just a few examples...

Also, every pregnant woman wants to lose the baby weight after the little tyke is born, why not start getting into the cardio groove early? 

In the meantime, I shall do my part in population control and not reproduce, and I shall also continue to be a lazy douche who parks in the front row space. 

Out of Body Experiences....

We have all heard about it, or possibly experienced it, an 'Out of Body Experience'. The more I think about this statement, the more I feel as though it is completely backwards. As far as I am concerned, this situation occurs with the outside influence of a natural, or unnatural substance, ingested into the body, and therefore causes one to feel 'disconnected' with oneself.

I sit here and reflect upon any time I, personally, have felt such a feeling, and I have stumbled upon a different realization. Instead of it feeling as though I am leaving my body, sometimes I feel as though I am sinking so far *into* myself, towards the darkest demons that linger in my subconscious, dictating my thoughts and emotions, steering me towards self-destruction. Toying with the parts of my brain that control rationalization, reality from fantasy, fact from fiction, love from lust. Spinning me wildly out of control until it wears off and I am left with the reminisce of the moments before mixed with what remains my day to day?

Do we choose to consider this 'out of body' because the force of being pulled inside yourself causes you to run away and feel like you are looking upon your reflection from another's shoes? Are we so afraid to face what we truly fear that we mask the pain and find a way to go completely numb? Is it better to feel pain or love, than nothing at all, or vice versa? Does numbness substitute reality so we can get through each day; is it better to exist than live? Or is this just a temporary state of mind that we embrace to feel as though we no longer, for that moment, have to accept our lives as our own?

Just a little twist on a common phrase we have all heard...what are your thoughts?

Top/Bottom/Switch- **Sensitive Content**

*****Contains material that may not be suited for all readers*****

I have noticed this topic coming up more frequently lately amongst some of my friends. Specifically, I have been asked where I stand on this topic...I mean, I guess I get why people make the general assumption that I am a top with no degree of deviating. I have absolutely no problem switching things up and 'letting my guard down', honestly, I think that keeps things interesting. I know my body, I know what it likes and how it operates, and just because I am more 'butch' doesn't mean that my anatomy is different than that of my more 'feminine' counterparts. Granted, there are certain 'activities', shall we say, that I don't want to be on the receiving end of, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the feel of someone's touch.

So, what is it that creates this dynamic and perception? Let's put it this way...a guy getting head from someone, how is this different than someone such as myself to enjoy the same? Ok, sure, I can strap up and do the same, but Hello...SO not the same.

Again, this is just my personal opinion, but what causes people to create this assumption when they look at someone? Or, better yet, know someone for years and still have this skewed perception? I have to admit, I do find some humor in it to see/hear/become aware of someone's reaction, when apparently I had them fooled and never even tried lol.

So, here is my next question...Who still thinks I'm straight???

Hilariously Disgusting LOL

I just came across this video, I ended up laughing and wanting to lose my breakfast all at the same time. You should check it out LOL

just click the link below:
Hilariously Disgusting Fight Scene

Colbert's Bait and Snitch- DADT Policy

DADT

Check out the link above to see this clip of Stephen Colbert on the Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy...

Personality Test

My uncle sent me a link to this site out of curiosity as to what my results would be. I'm so not surprised by the results that I was presented with. I have decided to post mine here if you are interested. I've also included a link if your curiosity gets the better of you; hey, I love finding out more about myself, maybe you do, too. :)

click on the link below:
9types Enneagram Personality Test

(my results)

The Peacemaker (the Nine)

Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.

How to Get Along with Me

• If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.
• I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advatage of this.
• Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
• Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
• Ask me questions to help me get clear.
• Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.
• Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
• I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
• Let me know you like what I've done or said.
• Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

What I Like About Being a Nine

• being nonjudgmental and accepting
• caring for and being concerned about others
• being able to relax and have a good time
• knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
• my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
• my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
• being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What's Hard About Being a Nine

• being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
• being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
• being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
• being confused about what I really want
• caring too much about what others will think of me
• not being listened to or taken seriously

Nines as Children Often

• feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
• tune out a lot, especially when others argue
• are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

Nines as Parents

• are supportive, kind, and warm
• are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective

My breakdown:

Type 1	Type 2	Type 3	Type 4	Type 5	Type 6	Type 7	Type 8	Type 9
1	2	6	5	6	5	3	1	7